DATING TIPS

You’ve been seeing a man who loves you, whether he uses the word or not. He loves sex with you, but more than that; he loves being with you. Even so, he hasn’t committed himself to you fully. Maybe he hasn’t asked out to marry him, though you’ve been seeing each other steadily or living together for a long time. Is there anything you can do to help him take the step that will bring ultimate happiness to both of you. The answer is “yes,” and the solutions are simple, easy adjustment that will cost you nothing and will end up bringing the fulfillment and commitment you’ve dreamed of.

1.      Make it easy for him to confide in you by listening without giving him advice or criticizing him.

He needs to know that it’s safe to tell you more. And the more he tells you, the more committed he will become.

2.      Make your man feel special by showing him that you love him for himself alone.

Early in the relationship, avoid asking him these questions “How much do you make?” “Did you go to college?” “Where?” “Where you ever married?” “For how long?” “What do your parents do for a living?”. These questions suggest that you are sizing him up and deciding if he is a good risk as a potential husband. Remember, even if he turns out to be a billionaire, he needs to know that you liked him before you knew that fact. 

3. Try to be natural. Be yourself and don’t conceal your tastes or the things you like.

If your new man says that he like rap music and rattles off some names of people you’ve never heard of, don’t pretend that you know them and like them. You’re allowed to say that you don’t know anything about that kind of music. If you have always loved opera, say so. If you feel like crying at a movie, cry. If you feel like laughing, laugh. Be natural will encourage him to be the same. 

4. Give your man the sense that he can keep his freedom at least to a reasonable degree.

5. Don’t let him do too much for you or spend too much (even if he volunteers)

If the balance goes too far this way, he will wake up some morning and ask himself, “what am I getting into?” He will want to swing the pendulum the other way, which will be bad news for you. Early in the relationship, he may reaffirm his sense of maleness by fixing everything in your house, and you may feel taken care of. But don’t let him go too far. If you can easily pay for something to get done, or if someone else can do part of the job, don’t overburden your man. Make it simple for him to commit to you by letting him know that his spending big bucks is purely optional.

6.      Don’t make your man jealous as a device to build his interest in you.

The old wisdom said that playing hard to get might clinch the commitment deal. But I’m telling you that the opposite is true. Because of their masculine pretense, men are crazy on the subject of loyalty. Most men, no matter what they say, are very insecure about their sexual desirability and about their appeal. 

7.      Insist On sexual fidelity once you feel you need it.

Some women feel that their guy will get nervous if they demand monogamy. Once again, the opposite is true. Your man wants you to want only him. He will be secretly flattered and will start to feel very secure if you demand his arrangement. Your telling him that his sexual faithfulness is essential to you is, in effect, giving him the reassurance that you intend to be faithful to him. Even if your man protests or acts as if the request is silly, he will breathe a big sigh of relief and take one big step towards commitment.

8.      Help your man to accept the fact that he needs you and loves you.

Because of his masculine pretense, your man is afraid to admit to anyone – even himself, how much he needs you. But this isn’t his fault.   He hasn’t had any practice at expressing his emotions freely. You can make him feel free to do so. And once again the key is to ask for something. After a time, insist that your man tell you in so many words that he loves you. Even if you are living together, he may try to avoid to those little three words. “Isn’t it obvious?” he may say. “Why else would I be with you?” or he may substitute something, like a compliment. “I think you’re the most beautiful woman I ever knew.” This is not good enough. Tell him, “I need you to say that you love me even if it’s obvious. And if it’s obvious, why not say it?” Only after saying that he loves you, in those words, and after saying it repeatedly, will your man truly accept that he loves you. Only then will it become a fact of life.

9.      After a few months, insist that your man introduce you to his family and friends and to anyone important in his life.

His doing this is a very basic kind of commitment for him, an important step on the road to a lifetime commitment. The man who won’t bring you to his life won’t marry you. A man must see you interacting with the people important to him to think of you as a wife. His making you part of his social life (just like his saying, “I love you,”) is an important rung on the ladder that he must climb toward commitment.

10.  Guard against giving your man more than you really want to over a long period of time.

If you like certain sex acts, make sure you communicate what they are and make sure that you get your share. If you feel angry at the fact that he invites his buddies over at the last minute and doesn’t pitch in with the preparation, don’t make a habit of compliance. If you’re not getting enough of what you want and find yourself feeling angry or depressed, it’s not fair to you. Also, you will definitely communicate this and your man will move away from commitment. Why should he sign up for life with a woman who’s unhappy or unfulfilled? In taking care of yourself, you are taking care of the relationship.